92 ways to talk to anyone download pdf

The big spender who, you suspect, might buy a hundred of your widgets has a tiny golf-club lapel pin? Are you a golfer? Me, too. What courses have you played? Whether you are riding in the elevator, climbing the doorstep, or traversing the path to the party, make sure your Whatzit is hanging out for all to see. If, however, you are loath to pull the party giver away from his or her other guests, you still can perform Whoozat.

Simply pump the party giver for just enough information to launch you. Now you make a beeline for Joe Smith. Susan was just telling me what a great skier you are. Where do you ski? Simply ask the party giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers.

Now the third in our little trio of meeting-who-you-want tricks. Eavesdropping, of course, conjures images of clandestine activities—wiretapping, Watergate break- ins, or spies skulking around in the murky shadows. Eavesdrop- ping has historical precedent with politicians so, in a pinch, it naturally comes to mind.

Then wait for a word or two you can use as a wedge to break into the group. Any suggestions? No host for Whoozat? No problem! Will they get over it? Will you be in the conversation? Then they slap on the muzzle. Give the hun- gry communicator something to conversationally nibble on. All it takes is an extra sentence or two about your city—some interesting fact, some witty observation—to hook the asker into the conversation.

Several months ago, a trade association invited me to be its keynote speaker on networking and teaching people to be better conversationalists. Just before my speech, I was introduced to Mrs. Devlin, who was the head of the association.

Then Mrs. Devlin smiled, anxiously awaiting a sample of my stimulating conversational expertise. I asked her where she was from. I had to quickly thaw her answer into digestible conversation. My mind thrashed into action. Crim- iny, what do I know about Columbus? I know a fellow named Jeff, a successful speaker who lives there. But Columbus is too big to ask if she knows him. I realized by now that seconds had passed, and Mrs.

Devlin was still standing there with a slowly dissipating smile on her face. But, just then, under the knife, I created the following technique for posterity. Learn some engaging facts about your hometown that conversational partners can comment on.

And you will obviously throw out different conversational bait to snag sim- ple shrimp or sophisticated sharks. The reason I left is there were seven women to every man when I was growing up.

No need to speculate on the multitude of conversational possibilities that unlocks. Where do you get your conversational bait? Start by phoning the chamber of commerce or historical society of your town. Search the World Wide Web and click on your town, or open an old-fashioned encyclopedia—all rich sources for future stimulat- ing conversations.

The Devlin debacle inspired further research. The minute I got home, I called the Columbus chamber of commerce and the historical society. Talking with an American history buff?

Tell him that Colum- bus was, indeed, named after Christopher Columbus and that a replica of the Santa Maria is anchored in the Scioto River. Talk- ing with a student? The possibilities continue. You suspect your conversation part- ner has an artistic bent? Months later, I mentioned the trauma to my speaker friend from Columbus, Jeff. Jeff explained his house was really in a smaller town just minutes outside Columbus. For the moment, these few defensive moves help you keep your crackerjack communicator credentials when asked the inevitable question.

Flesh it out. Tell a little story your conversa- tion partner can get a handle on. Throw out some delicious facts about your job for new acquaintances to munch on. Talking with a business owner? My current case concerns an employer who is being sued by one of her staff for asking personal questions during the initial job interview. We three sat in silence the rest of the meal.

Whenever people ask you what you do, give them some mouth-to-ear resuscitation so they can catch their breath and say something. John, this is Susan Jones. The fault lies with the person who introduced the two the way most people introduce their friends to each other—with naked names.

They cast out a line with no bait for people to sink their teeth into. Big winners may not talk a lot, but conversation never dies unwillingly in their midst. John has a won- derful boat we took a trip on last summer. John, this is Susan Smith. Susan is editor in chief of Shoestring Gourmet magazine.

It gives John an opening to discuss his love of writing. Or of cooking. Or of 71 Copyright by Leil Lowndes. Bait the conversational hook to get them in the swim of things. The other day at a gathering, the hostess introduced a man named Gilbert. He makes beautiful wax carvings.

Let us now rise from small talk and seek the path to more meaningful dialogue. The next technique is guaranteed to make the exchange engrossing for your conversa- tion partner. With the following technique, set your mind at rest. They become word detectives. I have a young friend, Nancy, who works in a nursing home. Nancy cares deeply about the elderly but often grumbles about how crotchety and laconic some of her patients are. Nancy told me about one especially cantankerous old woman named Mrs.

Otis, whom she could never get to open up to her. Otis practically jumped down my throat. Otis if she liked plants? Otis brought the subject up. Nancy re- sisted, but I persisted. Not only did Mrs. Today I had a dif- ferent problem with Mrs. She went on and on about her garden, her husband. If Mrs. Otis thought to bring up plants, then she must have some relationship with them. Furthermore, by mentioning the word, it meant subconsciously she wanted to talk about plants.

Otis wants to talk about now? When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good detective, listen for clues. If two people have something in common, when the shared interest comes up, they jump on it naturally. The evidence is bound to slip out. Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to a slip of the tongue. Several years ago, a girlfriend and I attended a party saturated with a hodgepodge of swellegant folks.

Everyone we talked to seemed to lead a nifty life. Diane has just rubbed noses with a winner. As it turns out, I had the pleasure of meeting Big-Winner Dan several months later. As it turns out, Dan lives in Paris, has a beach home in the south of France, and a mountain home in the Alps. He travels around the world producing sound and light shows for pyramids and ancient ruins—and he is an avid hang 76 Copyright by Leil Lowndes.

Does this man have an interesting life or what? Yet Dan, when meeting Diane, said nothing about himself. I told Dan about how pleased Diane was to meet him yet how little she learned about his life.

I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person. They know they grow more by listen- ing than talking. Obviously, they also captivate the talker.

Brian does a brilliant job of training top salespeople. He tells his students of a giant spotlight that, when shining on their product, is not as interesting to the prospect. When they shine the spotlight on the prospect, they make the sale. Salespeople, this technique is especially crucial for you. Technique 19 The Swiveling Spotlight When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight between you.

If you shine it brightly enough, the stranger will be blinded to the fact that you have hardly said a word about yourself. Have you ever, puttering around the house, had the TV in the background tuned to a tennis game?

You hear the ball going back and forth over the net—klink-klunk, klink-klunk, klink. What happened? You immediately look up at the set. Likewise in conversation, the conversational ball goes back and forth. First you speak, then your partner speaks, you speak.

Such is the rhythm of conversation. My friend Phil sometimes picks me up at the airport. Usually I am so exhausted that I rudely fall asleep in the passenger seat, relegating Phil to nothing more than a chauffeur. Usually I would have just grunted and wafted into unconscious- ness. However, on this particular trip, I had learned the Par- roting technique and was eager to try it. So I simply backed up and par- roted one of his previous phrases to get him on another track.

And all I did was parrot a few of his phrases. Technique 20 Parroting Never be left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. That puts the ball right back in his or her court, and then all you need to do is listen. A friend of mine, Paul, a used-car salesman, told me he credits a recent sale of a Lamborghini to Parroting.

As they were look- ing at one very sensible family car, Paul asked the husband what he thought of it. An hour later, Paul had pocketed a fat commission. Want to take a rest from talking to save your throat?

This next technique gets your conversation partner off and running so all you have to do is listen or even sneak off unnoticed as he or she chats congenially away. One night, sleeping in my cabin, I was awakened by the ship rocking violently from side to side.

I listened and the engines were off. A bad sign. I grabbed my robe and raced up to the deck. Through the dense fog, I could barely discern another ship not half a mile from us. I rushed over just in time to see a man in the moonlight with a bandage over one eye struggling up our violently rocking ladder. The engines started again and we were on our way. The next morning I got the full story. A laborer on the other ship, a freighter, had been drilling a hole in an engine cylinder.

While he was working, a sharp, needle-thin piece of metal shot like a missile into his right eye. The freighter had no doctor on board so the ship broadcast an emergency signal.

International sea laws dictate that any ship hearing a distress signal must respond. Our ship came to the rescue and the seaman, clutching his bleeding eye, was lowered into a lifeboat that brought him to our ship.

I hauled him over to the nearest group of grinning passengers and introduced him. Rossi saved the eyesight of a seaman on another ship after a dramatic midnight rescue. To my amazement, it was as though Dr. Rossi was blessed instantly with the tongues of angels. His pre- viously monosyllabic broken English became thickly accented elo- quence.

He recounted the entire story for the growing group of passengers gathering around him. I left the throng that Dr. By now I knew I had a winner. It worked even better the second time. He happily commenced his Encore! As he chatted away, I raced back to the captain to pull him away for a second telling with another throng.

I felt like the circus juggler who keeps all the plates spinning on sticks. The only problem was I noticed the stories getting longer and more elaborate each time. I had to adjust my timing in getting them to do a repeat perfor- mance for the next audience.

Your conversation partner is secretly loving it. Technique 21 Encore! Choose an appropriate one from their repertoire that the crowd will enjoy. Then shine the spotlight by requesting a repeat performance. One word of warning: make sure the story you request is one in which the teller shines. No one wants to retell the time they lost the sale, cracked up the car, or broke up the bar and spent the night in jail.

Make sure your requested Encore! You simply tiptoe away and let the bore spin the story on and on with your friend. Of course, your friend may never speak to you again. The next technique deals with sharing some positive stories of your life.

Airing your youthful battle with bed-wetting, teeth grinding, or thumb sucking—or your present struggle with gout or a goiter—supposedly endears you to the masses. Well, sometimes it does. One study showed that if someone is above you in stature, their revealing a foible brings them closer to you.

If he shares that with me so quickly, what else is he hiding? A closetful of ex- spouses, a criminal record, walls papered with rejection letters? You and your new good friend can invite the skeletons out, have a good laugh, and dance over their bones later in the relationship. The next is both an assertive and defensive move to help spare you that pasty smile we tend to sport when we have no idea what people are talking about.

And, of course, you must have just the right tie or correct color lipstick. Wait a minute. What about the right conversation to enhance your image? You will, of course, fol- low your instincts in conversation. Technique 23 The Latest News. Anything that happened today is good material. Sidney told me she had a house rule when she was in business. Reports came back from her clients complimenting her on the fascinating women she had working for her.

The consummate businesswoman, Ms. Ready for the big leagues of conversation? When two tigers prowling through the jungle chance upon one another in a clearing, they look at each other. They freeze. Which of us has the stronger survival skills? Humans start the process by looking at each other and talking. Thus, by observing each other carefully during casual conversing, it becomes almost immediately evident to both which is the bigger cat in the human jungle.

You can lose a potentially important friendship or business contact. One stupid move and you can tumble off the corporate or social ladder. The following com- munications skills give you a leg up to start your ascent to the top of any ladder you choose. By not asking the question, the big boys and big girls come across as more princi- pled, even spiritual. With so much downsizing, rightsizing, and capsizing of corpora- tions these days, the blunt interrogation evokes uneasiness.

Additionally, millions of talented and accomplished women have chosen to devote themselves to motherhood. When the cruel corporate question is thrust at them, they feel guilty. The rude interrogation belittles their commitment to their families.

No mat- 95 Copyright by Leil Lowndes. Recently I attended a posh party on Easy Street. I suspect they invited me as their token working-class person. Oh, some might have a ticker tape on the bed table of their mansion to track investments. But they def- initely did not work for a living. It convinces them you are enjoying their com- pany for who they are, not for any crass networking reason.

You simply practice the following eight words. They type it up and then trudge off to the printer to get a nice neat stack to send to all prospective employers. Take it or leave it. Boys and girls in the big leagues, however, have bits and bytes of their entire work experience tucked away in their computers.

When applying for a job, they punch up only the appropriate data and print it out so it looks like it just came from the printer. My friend Roberto was out of work last year. He applied for two positions:a sales manager of an ice cream company and head of strategic planning for a fast-food chain.

Absolutely not. How- ever, for the ice cream company, he highlighted his experience turning a small company around by doubling its sales in three years.

For the food chain, he underscored his experience working in Europe and his knowledge of foreign markets. Now he could play them off against each other. Before you submit your answer, consider what possible interest the asker could have in you and your work. Would you be interested in a proven method that can increase your sales from 20 to 30 per- cent over the next twelve months? She casu- ally mentioned she has many clients who choose a conservative hairstyle for work that they can instantly convert to a feminine style for social situations.

I asked for her card and Gloria became my hairdresser. Then, several months later, I happened to see Gloria at another event. I overheard her chatting with a stylish grey-haired woman at the buffet table. Not the unimaginative people who gave the tax-return description of their jobs, but the big winners who painted a picture of helping people with needs. When meeting a potential friend or loved one, make your life sound like you will be a fun person to know.

As a young girl, I wrote novels in my mind about my life. Could he refer business to me? Buy from me? Hire me? Marry my sister? Become my buddy? To make matters worse, he probably used the word incorrectly, inappropriately, and maybe even mispronounced it.

The world perceives people with rich vocabularies to be more creative, more intelligent. People with larger vocabularies get hired quicker, promoted faster, and listened to a whole lot more. So big winners use rich, full words, but they never sound inappropriate. The phrases slide gracefully off their tongues to enrich their con- versation. With the care that they choose their tie or their blouse, big players in life choose words to match their per- sonalities and their points. A mere few dozen wonderful words will give everyone the impression that you have an original and creative mind.

Acquiring this super vocabulary is easy. All you need to do is think of a few tired, overworked words you use every day—words like smart, nice, pretty, or good. Then grab a thesaurus or book of synonyms off the shelf. Look up that common word even you are bored hearing yourself utter every day. Examine your long list of alternatives. Some words are colorful and rich like ingenious, resourceful, adroit, shrewd, and many more. Run down the list and say each out loud. Which ones seem right for you?

Try each on like a suit of clothes to see which feel comfortable. Choose a few favorites and practice saying them aloud until they become a natural staple of your vocabulary. Gentlemen, when your wife comes down the staircase all dolled up for a night out, or you pick a lady up for dinner, what do you say?

I saw Gary a month or so later. Then I bring up one woman and several men. I ask each to pretend he is her husband. She has just come down the stairs ready to go out to din- ner.

I ask each to take her hand and deliver his compliment. Pay attention men! Words work on us women. Everybody says that. Tell them it was a splendid party, a superb party, an extraordinary party. Yet you have no trouble with the word wonderful. Vocabulary is all a matter of familiarity. Technique 26 Your Personal Thesaurus Look up some common words you use every day in the thesaurus. If you like them, start making permanent replacements. Similarity breeds attraction.

But in the human jungle, big cats know a secret. When you delay revealing your similarity, or let them discover it, it has much more punch. Let him go on analyzing the golf swing of Arnold Palmer before you start casually com- paring the swings of golf greats Greg, Jack, Tiger, and Arnie.

Several years ago, I was telling a new acquaintance how much I love to ski. I raved about the various resorts. I analyzed the various conditions. However, waiting until the end of our conver- sation—and then revealing he was such an avid skier that he kept an Aspen ski pad—made it unforgettable.

Then, when the time is right, casu- ally mention you share their interest. Finally the moment presented itself at a convention.

A new contact began telling me about her recent trip to Washington, D. She had no idea that Washington was where I grew up. Momentarily I forgot I was keeping my mouth shut to practice my new technique.

I asked her where she stayed, where she dined, and if she had a chance to get into any of the beautiful Maryland or Virginia sub- urbs. I must have been boring you. When someone starts telling you about an activity he has done, a trip she has made, a club he belongs to, an interest she has—anything that you share—bite your tongue. Let the teller relish his or her own monologue.

Relax and enjoy it, too, secretly knowing how much pleasure your conversation partner will have when you reveal you share the same experience. Then, when the moment is ripe, casually disclose your similarity. And be sure to mention how much you enjoyed hearing about his or her shared interest. Now that I have your attention. That word is YOU. Why is you such a powerful word?

Because when we were infants, we thought we were the center of the universe. The rest of the shadowy forms stirring about us which we later learned were other people existed solely for what they could do for us. Will you join me there for dinner tonight? However, will I like it? You probably take her hesitation personally, and the joy of the exchange diminishes.

Will you join me there this evening for dinner? Psy- chologists tell us everyone automatically gravitates toward that which is pleasurable and pulls away from that which is painful. For many people, thinking is painful. So big winners when they wish to control, inspire, be loved by, sell to people, or get them to go to dinner do the thinking for them. Suppose you want to take a long weekend. You decide to ask your boss if you can take Friday off. Which request do you think he or she is going to react to more positively?

And you know how some bosses hate to think! Your new wording made managing without you a matter of pride for Boss. Gen- tlemen, say a lady likes your suit. Which woman gives you warmer feelings?

Once, driving around San Francisco hope- lessly lost, I asked people walking along the sidewalk how to get to the Golden Gate Bridge. I stopped a couple trudging up a hill. Still lost, I called out to the next couple I encountered. You see, by phrasing the question that way, it was a subtle challenge. They walked over to my car and gave me explicit instructions.

I kept asking passersby my three forms of the question. Eve did not ask Adam to eat the apple. She did not command him to eat the apple. Comm-YOU-nication Is a Sign of Sanity Therapists calculate inmates of mental institutions say I and me twelve times more often than residents of the outside world. Continuing up the sanity scale, the fewer times you use I, the more sane you seem to your listeners. The next technique concerns a way big winners are silently you-oriented. Whether she is engulfed in a wedding gown or partially clad in a bikini, her face sports the same plastic smile.

One passenger with a radiant smile started shaking hands down our line. It was as though a brilliant light had illuminated the dim ballroom. Out of the cor- ner of my eye, I saw his identical glistening grin. A third person, the same grin. My interest began to dwindle.

When he gave his fourth indistinguishable smile to the next person, he started to resemble a Cheshire cat. I had no fur- ther interest in talking with him.

Obviously, he gave the same smile to everybody and, by that, it lost all its specialness. If Strobe Man had given each of us a slightly different smile, he would have appeared sensitive and insightful. And before taking aim, you would carefully consider whether it would murder, maim, or merely wound your target. Since your smile is one of your biggest communications weapons, learn all about the moving parts and the effect on your target. Discover the subtle differences in your repertoire. When meeting groups of people, grace each with a distinct smile.

In Defense of the Quickie There are times, I discovered, when the quick put-on smile works. For example, when you want to engineer the acquaintance of someone to whom you have not had the opportunity to be intro- duced. To prove their hypothesis, female researchers made eye contact with unsuspecting male subjects enjoying a little libation in a local drinking establishment. Sometimes, the female researchers fol- lowed their glance with a smile.

Now How to Talk to Anyone reveals the secrets of successful communication. With Leil Lowndes's ninety-two easy and effective techniques, you will discover how to become a master communicator in life, love, and business.

Combining the latest research with Leil's trademark wit and warm-hearted observations of human foibles, How to Talk to Anyone shows you how to: Make an unforgettable entrance and meet the people you want to meet Sound like an insider in any crowd, no matter how little you have in common Use body language to captivate audiences of all sizes Work a party the way a politician works a room Always come across confident, credible, and charismatic wherever you are.

Some find talking to others uncomfortable, difficult, or intimidating. Here is a way to overcome these communication challenges. Written by Larry King, this guide provides simple and practical advice to help make communication easier, more successful, and even more enjoyable.

Anecdotes from a life spent talking--on television, radio, and in person,--add to the fun and value of the book. Learn what famous talkers say and how the way they say it makes them so successful. Talk to anyone, anytime, about anything — with confidence. How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone is your personal handbook for stepping up your communication game. Part confidence coach and part social manual, this book reveals the reasons behind your reserve and offers real, practical ways to break through the barriers and make a connection.

Whether you fear judgement and rejection or just don't know what to say, these simple exercises will equip you with a gold mine of social tools to get you through any situation. This new second edition has been updated to include the complete day Zero to Hero Personal Confidence Course, to help you build your skills and increase your chances of getting what you want out of any conversation. Working step-by-step, you'll learn how to approach strangers, strike up a conversation and exit gracefully; by first changing your outlook, you develop the ability to navigate even tricky situations with confidence and ease.

Conversation skills affect more than your social life — they can impact your career as well. In removing your social hesitance, you open up a whole new world of effective communication with customers and colleagues, and begin building the relationships that get you closer to your goals.

This book provides real-world techniques to help you get better and better every day, enabling you to: Overcome your fear of rejection. Strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. Open up to make real connections and build strong rapport. Carry your confidence into networking, sales and more. Leave the days of awkwardness behind you. Stop running away from uncomfortable interactions and start getting comfortable instead.

Whether you need to close the deal, build contacts or just make small talk at a party, How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone helps you build the confidence and skills you need to talk your way to success. Feeling incapable of chatting to people is a horrific curse and one which can effect every part of your life. Don't let it ruin your life. Overcoming shyness, social anxiety and low self-confidence fast. Get on with your life!

Jennifer Alisons' "How To Talk To Anyone" is a much praised international bestseller, thanks to its practical and easy to implement advice. You do not need to become a Doctor and learn endless and often useless medical jargon to become a great conversationalist or know to deal with difficult situations in your life. You just need good solid advice you can implement into your daily life immediately with ease. Be a people magnet! Improving your people skills and becoming a people-person is a surefire route to success, happiness, and confidence.

Well now you can too. How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone will show you exactly how to develop better communication for better results.

With Mark Rhodes sound advice you will be able to build rapport with absolutely anyone. Every chapter within is broken down with easy-to-follow stories and information, laced with quick-fire facts and tips you can put into action right now. Reveals the most appropiate, provocative, and specific questions to ask members of specific groups, such as ballroom dancers, cosmetic surgeons, and tennis players, in order to communicate effectively.

From the bestselling author of How to Talk to Anyone comes a book dedicated to helping business professionals at any level communicate for success on the job You face tough communication challenges every day at work, both in person and online—a toxic boss, backstabbing coworkers, office politics, and much more. Here are immediate, effective, eye-opening actions you can take to resolve those infuriating problems.

Straight-from-the-hip advice on how to find, date, and land that special person In this follow-up to her international bestseller How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You, Leil Lowndes explains why, when it comes to the quest for true romance, no one needs to settle for anything less than Mr. Whether it's someone rich and classy, drop-dead gorgeous, with a high IQ, or truly honorable that a reader finds most desirable, Leil Lowndes shows how to weed out the frogs and find your own true prince or princess.

Combining Lowndes's trademark wit and sage insights into human behavior with easy-to-master strategies and techniques, UpDating! Are you always nervous and awkward when surrounded by people?

Do you find it difficult interacting with strangers and making meaningful conversations? Do you allow your fear of rejection stop you from having fun at parties, making friends, and leaving a long-lasting good impression? If your answer is YES to all of these, then this book will help you change that. How to Talk to Anyone: 51 Easy Conversation Topics You Can Use to Talk To Anyone Effortlessly addresses the major roadblocks keeping you from building connections and relationships through communication, and provides the best strategies to help you unleash your full potential as an excellent conversationalist.

Inside, you'll find: The main components of communication, and their importance in making conversationsThe basic guide to making good and proper conversationsThe art of choosing the best conversation topics and making small talks interesting and fulfillingThe aces to use to influence and lead conversations While other books seek for things you could learn outside, this book chooses to dig deep down into what is already inside you — fears, hidden talent, creativity, and that connection you feel with every human being — and using them to get your desired results in conversations.

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