Parent effectiveness training pdf free download

For one, the punishment must be felt by the controllee as depriving, noxious, denying, unwanted, injurious etc. Why are they often successful? We all have the experience that the power of controllers comes from their use of rewards and punishments.

The aim of controllers is to place themselves in charge of their controllees, in a position to dominate or coerce them. Controllers hope that their controllees will always be obedient. This kind of Authority is highly-valued and quite harmless in human relationships. Most people, including children, respect those who have expertise, they learn from them, seek out their counsel, and often follow their advice.

Gordon talks about four basic definitions of authority. The first one is authority based on expertise. We will call this Authority E, the E standing for expertise. Unfortunately, this term often adds to the confusion and muddled thinking already surrounding the issue of discipline.

We are continuing to look at several factors that help us explore why adult-imposed discipline does not produce self-disciplined children. These are two radically different kinds of control-type discipline.

In the last Family Connection we looked at the noun discipline and the verb discipline and the drastic differences between the two. What is it that helps raise disciplined children? The answer is, quite simply, yes. All groups, of whatever size or nature, need laws, regulations, rules, policies, and standard operating procedures. Without them, groups may very well fall into confusion, chaos and conflict. The functions that rules and policies can serve are indispensable.

When faced with adversity, the team chose not to quit, but instead to rise to the challenge. Many of us live as though someone or something outside of ourselves controls our lives. Whether it be other people, our parents, background, age, sex, race, fear, fate or God, we behave as if we are not active agents who are responsible for ourselves.

We wait. We wait for something to happen or someone to come along to fulfill our needs or to make our lives better. A great deal of research has been done over the last 35 years which shows the harmful and lasting effects of physical punishment not only on children, but on the parents who do it and on the relationship between them. Silence can mean many things in interpersonal relationships. It can express lots of different emotions ranging from joy, happiness, grief, embarrassment to anger, denial, fear, withdrawal of acceptance or love.

What it means depends on the context. Simply put, the emotional climate is the atmosphere in which we relate to each other. It is the tone or the mood that exists in a company, school, family—any environment in which people relate to each other. It is the subjective environment in which all of our relationships take place. And each of us, often without being aware of it, contributes to this tone or mood by the way we express ourselves and the way we relate to other people, especially in equal relationships.

Active Listening to someone is a real gift to them. In the past month, two pioneers in the field of psychology have passed on, both of whom made innovative advances in our understanding of human behavior, each in their own unique way. I have been reflecting on their contributions and re-focusing on how their work aligns with and supports the Gordon Model. And we know it works. Listen anyway. For several years, I have had the dream and then the goal of making our programs available in Arabic countries.

Now, finally this dream has started to become a reality in Egypt and the United Arab Emirates. As the holiday season nears, do you find yourself resisting or even dreading being with certain relatives or friends because no true connection exists between you?

Will you be with them mostly out of a sense of duty or obligation? Do you plan to make the best of it? Get through it somehow and not rock the boat? In the interest of maintaining a relationship or keeping a job, the truth remains hidden the result of which is often resentment and anger—at the other person and ultimately at oneself.

You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. We are also two separate persons with our own individual values and needs. So that we will better know and understand what each of us values and needs, let us always be open and honest in our communication.

Much research has shown that EQ is more important than IQ in determining our success in life, both as individuals and in our relationships with others. Why is it that we automatically put labels on people and then start acting in accordance with those labels?

In your relationships at work and at home, you know the discomfort you feel when you become defensive and the unease you feel when you sense it in others. When we feel threatened, defensiveness or resistance is our initial, natural, perhaps inevitable reaction.

We would probably be surprised if we stopped to think how much energy we use up resisting new ideas, blocking unwelcome feedback, defending our position. So the decisions and choices we make all day everyday really matter.

Tel: Thomas Gordon in , GTI has been helping people all over the world have better relationships at work, at home, and in schools through the Gordon Model Skills.

We hope to help you, too! Toggle navigation. Based on the idea that parents should be honest with their children about the child's behavior, the theory identified ownership of problems and conflict resolution. Children's behavior was defined as being acceptable and nonacceptable to the parent, depending on the the individual parent and child and on changes within the parent, child, or environment.

Conflicts arose when the child or the parent "owned" a problem; that is, when their individual needs were not met because of the child's behavior.

The conflicts could be resolved by the parent in both cases. When the child owned a problem, the parent could listen to the child express his feelings. When the parent owned a problem, he could honestly express his own feelings to the child.