Why do stepfamilies fail

There will be the moments where the light shines through the cracks. There will be the moments when the broken pieces will come together to make a stained glass window where others will look through and see nothing but beauty. They'll see all the different colors, shapes and sizes and stare in awe at how it all came together so perfectly. There will be the times when you watch your spouse love on and parent your child as their own and it will bring up a love so deep you can't even imagine how it contains itself inside your heart.

There will be a time when your spouse's child kisses you and tells you that they love you and you'll wonder how you ever lived your life without them. There will be times when your children walk hand in hand with your spouse's children and you'll know that you are teaching them to love far beyond any boundaries.

Your blending family is going to fail. They're going to fail over and over but they're also going to prove that love and grace can outshine any darkness.

They're going to show others how broken things can be mended, maybe not back to the way they were but to a way that lets the light shine through the cracks and heal the hurts. I talk a lot, have a bunch of kids and am married to someone who puts up with it all. News U. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism. Special Projects Highline. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Follow Us. Signs of jealousy may look like:. You are responsible for your children's safety and allowing them to be exposed to this dangerous behavior not only puts them in harm's way, but it also puts you at risk for losing them if someone else reports the abuse to Child Protective Services.

Signs of abuse include:. Keep in mind that if you do leave the relationship and your partner is harming their kid s , it's a good idea to report the abuse and make an attempt to protect them as well. If you and your partner are unable to work together as a team and one or both of you aren't willing to make an effort to change this significantly, you will likely experience many relational and familial problems.

This can result in a chaotic and unhealthy home environment for you both, and your children. Examples of not working together as a team:. If you feel that your partner doesn't consistently have your back, when you add children into the mix, problems are likely to escalate. In healthy relationships, both partners should be there to support each other through the highs and lows of day-to-day life.

If you can't trust or rely on your partner, this may not be the healthiest relationship for you and your child ren. Also note that kids are always watching and internalizing what they see, so if their idea of a loving partnership is someone who isn't consistent or trustworthy, they are likely to replicate this pattern as they mature into adults. If you two can't figure out how to adjust to being co-parents and one or both of you is unwilling to work on this, you will likely face many significant issues as your relationship progresses.

This will not only negatively impact your romantic relationship, but will also be detrimental to the children involved. As co-parents, it's important to:. In general, it can take between one and three years for a blended family to adjust to living together. However, each family is unique and the timeframe may be shorter or longer. The day we got married the children were ages One of our children is severely mentally handicapped and now lives in a group home….

We understand blending a family. Is blending a family tough? Are you going to fail at times blending your family? You bet! Your blending efforts at times are going to fail! ALL families fail. And you will absolutely succeed too. Your experience is able to show others how broken things can be mended, maybe not back to the way they were, but to an even better place with the pieces put back together and made stronger than it was originally.

Family is family, they all have cracks and breaks but the moments of sunshine fill those with more than we could expect or imagine. I tried to look up statistics on blended families and it became overwhelming. What it boils down to is that about 50 percent of American families are blended, meaning the adults in the family have children from previous relationships. Finding balance in family life and doing your best to get it right is gut-wrenching at times and requires more patience than you could imagine.

Can you imagine the stress level with four sets of in-laws? Money problems due to child support, alimony, a lot of children to feed, vacations when you feel like there are 22 people there? I wish I could give all blended families a map or book outlining how to make blended families work, or a list of ten things for a successful family.

And that is just listing a few. But this is where meeting with others treading the same trail can be so powerful. Recently, I asked eight blended families I know, and the wonderful world of Facebook, remember the internet has all the answers this question: Those in blended families- what is a topic you would like to discuss in a group session?

I was astonished with the responses. In 12 hours I had over different questions, ideas, and struggles.