Why failed relationships

While the last thing couples want to think about is breaking up, the sad reality is that it happens—a lot. In fact, according to recent data from the American Psychological Association , as many as 50 percent of marriages in the United States eventually end in divorce.

But how can you tell whether your relationship will survive? Well, there are surefire predictive tells like your bedroom habits, the way you argue, and how often you communicate.

Even the way you carry your day-to-day conversations can shed light on your relationship's longevity. Keep reading to discover some of the most common reasons why relationships fall apart. In his research published in the journal Psychological Assessment , Keith Sanford , PhD, a psychology professor at Baylor University, found that partners who admitted that they withdrew often during arguments reported being unhappier and more apathetic about the relationship overall.

When Virgil wrote that "love conquers all," he had clearly never been in a serious relationship. Yes, love can overcome many things, but if there's one thing that it can't overcome, it's not being on the same page. At the end of the day, you and your partner need to be clear about fundamental decisions like where to live, when and if to have kids, and how to save and spend money—otherwise, the relationship will fall apart. According to Lesli Doares , a certified relationship coach in Cary, North Carolina, "67 percent of disagreements in a relationship never get resolved and they don't need to, but the other 33 percent, if not resolved, can lead to the end of the relationship.

Your partner is likely doing the best they can—but like any human, they're going to mess up and make mistakes sometimes. And while a supportive spouse handles these slip-ups like an adult, an unsupportive one will treat their partner like they should be perfect percent of the time, leading to frustration on both ends.

Many people will avoid conflict and pretend that issues in their relationship don't exist simply because they live in fear of being alone. However, this strategy backfires, as all conflicts will rear their ugly heads eventually—and by then, it's usually too late to solve them. At the beginning of a relationship, couples tend to be honest and open about their feelings and emotions.

But as things progress, many people doom their relationships by assuming that their significant other can—and should be able to— read their body language and just know what's on their mind. The worse things are in your own relationship, the better everyone else's is going to look.

But by comparing yourself, you are only going to feel worse. You're ultimately sabotaging whatever of your relationship there is left to salvage. The grass is greener where you water it and no relationship is as flawless as it looks on Instagram. Compromising isn't just about letting your spouse choose which restaurant you go to every once in a while. In a healthy, committed relationship, to compromise is to make "the conscious choice to accept each other for exactly who you are ," writes Laura Schlessinger , a relationship expert and the host of the Sirius XM radio show The Dr.

Laura Program. Have you ever found yourself crying in a fit of rage while your partner hasn't so much as shed a tear? This may be a sign that your relationship is on the rocks. But unfortunately, most of us will end up playing out familiar feelings and relationships patterns long after we move into adulthood. How can you be expected to create a feeling or a dynamic you never experienced?

Also, it takes two to tango. Digging a bit deeper you might well find that both you and your past partners have been playing out your own patterns on each other. Accept it as part of the journey, and resolve now as the moment to move into a new, healthier way of being and relating. The one thing that all of the above points have in common is this: they all come down to you. It just takes a bit of work on the inside.

Understanding that although our coping mechanisms might have protected us when we were young, they are hindering us now — and that it is time to decide new, healthier ways of relating.

Only when we identify the source of what happened and where things went amiss, can we set about creating something that is right — and most importantly, truly fulfilling. Facebook Twitter. Inability to Maintain Relationships and What it Might Mean 31st May Maybe in the past you brushed it off as a bad spell or put it down to the fact that you keep choosing the wrong partners. String of failed relationships: what holds us back from maintaining healthy relationships You grew up in a dysfunctional family Our relationships in adult life are usually tied closely to our relationships from the past.

Below are some of the ways a dysfunctional family might present: Growing up with a single parent who over-relied on you. Supporting or acting as carer to a parent with chronic illness e. A depressed, needy mother who sought emotional support from you.

There was preferential treatment in your household — whether it was you, or one of your siblings. One or both of your parents were either physically or emotionally absent. You struggle to communicate your feelings Lots of people struggle with expressing their feelings. But if your partnership is worth saving i. If things don't feel right or you've noticed some changes, start by talking with your SO and laying everything out on the proverbial table.

People get comfortable and want to avoid conflict. However, the only ways things change is to work through issues. While this might sound like heaven on earth, it's actually not a great sign if you and your partner never argue.

Joshua Klapow tells Bustle. For a relationship to last, you both need to be able to argue and speak your mind. In the same vein, it's not healthy to let your partner bug the hell out of you without saying anything, simply because "you love them.

As Klapow says, "This is the idea of basically letting your frustrations and compromises build up so much that you lose yourself in the process. You no longer have a life you want, but a life of tolerating them. A relationship that's built to last will consist of two people who always take each other into consideration. Yet, being vulnerable in the face of potential loss is truly the bread and butter of life. Sure, we could play our cards close to our vest and lessen the likelihood of possible harm—but in turn, we also lessen the likelihood of truly being known.

When in the throes of a relationship, we often have our heart set on not just our partner, but on our future with that partner. But what if expressing love, kindness, and shared intimacy is an end in and of itself? Whether the act of love is in the present or the past, it existed all the same—and if we allow it to do so, it can remind us of the most beautiful side of the human condition. Each person that journeys beside us on the road of life not only shapes who we will become, but also how we feel as we get there.

My first love and I moved across the state to pursue our individual dreams. On the flip side, those unhealthy relationships that, on the surface, appear all wrong can help us more wisely choose a partner in the future.

Even the most painful relationships in my past helped me learn who I wanted to be with as well as who I wanted to be in the future. Some endings are inevitable. It does, however, mean that instead of looking at what we lost when something ended, we can remember what we gained as well: perspective, strength, and experience. Because love is never lost…. Melissa Pennel is a writer, mother, and life coach living in Northern California.