Best what if jokes

What if Cinderella was a cooking slave instead of a cleaning slave.. What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?

That would be soda pressing. So what if I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid? I can stop any time. If a person speaks 3 languages, they're trilingual. If they speak 2 languages, they're bilingual. What if they speak 1 language? They're american. What if Stephen Colbert got involved in a scandal? It would be called Colgate. Communist seizures. The is a strip club opposite a indoor golf club personally this is disgusting what if you go for a nice family night out and look out the window And see a bunch of losers playing indoor golf.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but you would never know because he can't stand up? What if I told you You read the first line wrong Made you look.

Elon Musk was born in South Africa, and made an electric car. What if he had been born in Madagascar? He would have made a gas car. What if you named your dog Mypenis? Mypenis ate my homework. I can't take Mypenis out around kids. Mypenis gets too excited when someone knocks on the door. What if we strap tiny C4 to rats and send them over to Europe What if a neutron enters a bar?

A neutron enters a bar and orders a drink. The Bartender hands over the drink and says for you, no charge. What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?

Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry. What if a dog flew the first airplane? Well it just wouldn't be Wright. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. She sells seashells on the seashore. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.

He was camping in a nearby field and popped over to complain about the noise. That is wrong on so many different levels. I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play. He never reads any of mine.

Now we have no Hope, no Cash and no Jobs. Because her students were so bright. What do you call a deer with pink eye? A colorful eye-deer. John of the Appledore! Why did the pillow cross the road? It was picking up the chicken's feathers. What did the flower say after it told a joke? I was just pollen your leg. What did the traffic light say to the truck? Don't look, I'm changing. Why didn't the koala bear get the job?

They said she was over-koala-fied. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it! What did the science book say to the math book? Wow, you've got problems. What word starts with the letter t, ends with the letter t, and has t in it? A teapot! Two goats were munching on a movie script. Goat 1: This is good! Goat 2: The book was better.

Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for his miserable summer. Why did the woman become an archeologist? Because her career was in ruins. Manatee who? Manatee would be better than a sweater today, it's hot! What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? What snack should you make for the Snowman Holiday Party? Ice Krispy Treats. Why is there a gate around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

If it takes two men to dig a hole in one day how long would it take for one man to dig a half a hole? There is no such thing as a half a hole. What is a zombie's favorite thing to eat? Brain food. It took 10 workers 10 days to build a bridge. How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge? There's a girl on a boat in a pretty pink coat. What's her name?

Where does a rat go when it has a toothache? To the rodentist. What does an alien do when it is bored in school? Spaces out. What does a broken plate say when she gets her cupcake? Is this GLUE-ten free? Have you heard the one about the student who was afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them. What do you call it when a hammock teases another hammock? What did they say when Marie Curie and Albert Einstein said the same thing at the same time?

Greatest minds think alike! Why did the chicken go the hospital? Because it needed some tweatment! Why was the rabbit happy? Because somebunny loved him!

What would happen if the dean lost his job? He would lose his "ideanity. Because they are always up to something. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was out standing in his field. Why can't you spell dark with a "c", so it says "darc"? Because you can't c in dark! How do you clean a chicken? An egg wash! Because there was noBody on the other side. Give her some space. Why did the young astronaut cry on the moon? Because he missed his mother earth. Why did the scientist take out the bell? He wanted to win the no-bell prize.

Did you hear about the kid who drank eight sodas? He burped 7-Up. What be the pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? No, it be the C! Why do fish live in saltwater? Pepper makes them sneeze! The following four jokes were written by Kaleb, age 4, as told to his grandpa:. What did Mama cow say to Baby cow? Why did the phone walk in the water? He was wading for a phone call. Why don't you ever date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.

Cow Cow who? Why do hockey players make great bankers? Because they are good at checking. Red and Ms. Red live in the red house; Mr. Purple and Ms. Purple live in the purple house. Who lives in the white house? The president! Why did the chicken cross the road? It was trying to get away from the KFC. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam!

What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore! Latest News. A survey finds these carriers are late most often. John Carter Cash is carrying on their legacy. Here's what to watch out for over the holidays. This one strange symptom could predict your risk. Not cleaning this could make you majorly sick.