Bio

2022.07.04 07:34

<The big misunderstanding>

When I was a child, I thought that everyone shared the same way of visualising landscapes as I did.

So, I grew up having mixed feelings.

The feeling is somewhat like asking to be excused.

I used to think that my parents and my sister shared my perceptions, seeing what I was seeing, sensing what I was sensing.

The more earnestly I tried to make myself understood, the more they got confused.

No matter how hard I tried, I could not make myself understood.

<The teacher is a bamboo building>

While I am listening to the teacher, or any other adult speaking, an image starts to show, fading in slowly.

Even though I am trying to behave like a good student, sitting in the classroom, listening to what the teacher says, once the “landscape” appears, I cannot help but see it.

I always tried to be a good student.

I always tried to listen to what the teacher was saying.

But I would end up looking at the “landscape” of the teacher.

After class, that is, after I have “watched the landscape,” I would feel totally exhausted, having a sort of a face-ache all the way up to my brain (this enormous fatigue will go away, after I get some good sleep).

<As self-defence>

I tend to see “landscapes” during times when I feel the need to protect myself.

When I was young, it often happened during times of conflict, I would speak to my sister or parents while looking at their “landscapes.”

My communication would be made through the “landscape.”

Oftentimes, my family didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. I appear to be babbling some incomprehensible nonsense.

<Questioning>

I grew out of my younger days when I thought that everyone was seeing what I was seeing and sensing what I was sensing at all times.

I began to live by myself, and then went abroad.

I entered the phase where I developed the sense of “self.”

I had questions, “What is the self?” “What is my wish?” “What do I like?”

I once again had to face the “sense.”

<The landscape of movies>

＜Landscape of life + the theme = The person himself/herself＞

I majored in film studies in college, and I began to watch movies everyday.

You watch a movie everyday during class, and then listen to the lecture.

Both combined, it would add up to around 4 hours per day.

Classes lasting over 4 hours would take you beyond your physical limits, cognition and consciousness fading away, no more thinking, leaving you to just space out.

You will lose track of things, not knowing which movie you are watching, what the class was about, what the subject was, and so on.

And then, while watching the movie, I would start seeing a different “landscape” against my will.

I am supposed to watch the movie, learn from it, contemplate on it, and yet, something totally different began to realise before me.

Visually, I would be watching a movie in the college theater room with my classmates. However, in my mind, I would be watching a different “landscape.”

The “landscape,” which seemed to have nothing to do with my future career, college classes, exams or my grades, began to appear according to a certain principle.

The “landscape” would be common to several movies.

It would be pretty understandable if I saw a “landscape” that represents each film, but what I actually saw was the same “landscape of three-dimensional constructions” for several films.

The same “landscape of three-dimensional construction” recurs inside my mind whenever I watch a film made by the same director.

Alfred Hitchcock is known for his prolific career in film making. But in my mind, all of his films accompany an image of a dark scene, with many slashes in the background, looking like a waterfall. No matter which film I watch by Hitchcock, that is the “landscape” I see.

The Process

https://www.wakamurashota.com/posts/35743522

Bio　

https://www.wakamurashota.com/posts/35743585

*****

描くようになるまで（1）

https://www.wakamurashota.com/posts/32326364

描くようになるまで（2）

https://www.wakamurashota.com/posts/32326402

描くようになるまで（3）

https://www.wakamurashota.com/posts/32326429

描くようになるまで（4）