No.12 Going forward & living with happiness

It has been so lone time from the last blog! In this blog, I would like to discuss what happened after skating and my future plan about both study and life.

• Going Forward

During these period, I finished my study of Academic English, yeah!

From next semester, I will go to undergraduate program of university. I planned to study chemistry as my major in the university, I already have a plan about courses in the first year, so now I just need to wait the new semester!

Also, I want to exchange to Japan in these 4 years, and I want to go to the Waseda University! I told one friend about this so I have a strong emotion to reach this goal since I heard that the requirement of Japanese exchange program. 

I mentioned "strong emotion" before, you can find it in the first blog about Academic English Program, maybe. At that time, I said that I had a "strong emotion" to finish this program in December, but I failed. The reason I failed is that I put lots of stress on myself too much, so I got confused during the final, so I lost some marks, therefore I didn't reach my goal, although I told others about my ambitious goal, so embarrassing! But this time, I cannot be embarrassing again! I must reach this goal at this time!

In order to not be embarrassing again, I made a plan of advanced study before the beginning of new semester: Reviewing what I learnt before about science courses because I planned to study science courses in the first year, and I will take Japanese course in the first year as reaching one of requirement of Japanese exchange program. For this, I will try to do some basic study of Japanese language before the new semester.

• Living with happiness

Being myself in the most comfortable version.

In this semester, I tried to be "social person" in order to test this kind of life is suitable for me or not.

The result is, no!

I found that I am not so good at small chat actually, and social media makes me feel more anxious and confused about myself. I guess I mentioned this before. 

Also, I felt that I lost my passion about study in this semester. It's hard to explain this, I don't know why, but I just have the feeling. Well still, I study hard, but the passion is not inside my heart anymore. Well keeping study is good, but with no passion, it sounds weird, like a traveller who go to a place for travelling randomly.

It doesn't mean that this is not right, I just be afraid that after all this finished, I don't know what should I do next. Maybe I can hear others' advices to do the same job like them, or just give up everything...! After all... is this worthy for the rest of my whole life? I just have once chance of living in the world, at least I must live for myself once, right?

So how to be myself in the most comfortable version?

The answer is trying something new at first, then I need to choose one I feel good. It's ok that I will feel uncomfortable at the beginning so that I can know my advantages and my disadvantages, at last I can have a plan to improve myself, although there is a long way to go.

After all of this, I hope I can fine the Iris whose eyes are full of stars and lights, and she is talking the thing she is passionate, with a big, confident smile. 

--Iris herself, 2020/4/16